It's your funeral, Archie

Can you believe we're all talking about how Archie Andrews is going to propose to Veronica Lodge? My dental hygienist and I actually had a discussion about it. And it's all over the newspapers: raven-haired vixen vs. blond girl next door, yada yada yada.

Yes, I'm right in there too, but I claim to have a good reason. I read comics when I was an impressionable young kid. One grandmother had a fairly large collection that included Nancy, Disney comics, and Smokey Stover, a particularly off-centre comic about firefighters that was loaded with bad puns that I still remember. My other grandmother had a smaller collection that seemed mostly to be superhero comics, my favourite of which was the Green Lantern.

It was all harmless stuff. And included in the mix, at home no less, were Archie comics. Certainly my folks must have thought those comics were harmless, because they were rather protective parents. And really, Archie comics were harmless. But here's the deal. I was reading them when I was fairly young, and they were a glimpse into the world of teenagers and high school. It was only a comic book glimpse, of course, but it made an impression nonetheless.

I didn't identify with any of the male characters. Archie was a dufus. Jughead was just a joke. Reggie was mean, and Moose was big, strong, and stupid. Those two types always scared me. I didn't like Veronica. She was so clearly a spoiled rich bitch. I kind of liked Midge, Moose's girlfriend. She was sweet. But like so many others, I identified with Betty Cooper. Well, wanted to be with Betty, but wanted to be Betty as well, my usual combination.

Betty was blond and pretty. She was approachable. She was sexy without being overt. She didn't have all the nice clothes that Veronica did. She had to get by on her natural charms. And her ponytail. I know that the reason I have always loved ponytails, and the reason I'm trying to grow my hair long enough to have a good one, is because of Betty.

I haven't read Archie comics since I was a kid, 40 or so years ago, but I'm guessing not a lot has changed, at least as far as essentials go. Betty has always loved Archie. Archie has always paid much more attention to Veronica. Veronica has lapped up the attention and kept Archie hanging, with little hearts around his empty head. And now, in a new series, after all those decades, the kids are finally post-university. Archie is going to propose to Veronica, and you have to figure that she's going to accept.

I must admit to a fascination with Veronica, or at least Veronica types. I'd love to be sultry. I'd love to be a bit mysterious. And I love nice clothes. I've even pursued a Veronica or two in my time, and they would have destroyed me if they hadn't rejected me first. But I am much more a Betty type, even though I'm not blond, and more suited to Betty types. That's just all there is to it. Open, friendly, loyal, lacking in guile. The hot girl's best friend. And always in love.

So Archie, in the end, proposes to the rich bitch instead of to the loyal girl next door. Good luck with that! I wonder if Daddy will continue to keep her in the manner to which she is accustomed or if Archie will be expected to. I wonder if Daddy will try to stop the wedding! He has never liked Archie and probably wants his daughter to marry some rich society guy. I won't be reading the comics to find out, but I bet I'll find out anyway, now that North America has Archie-consciousness.

Given all that, isn't it ironic that I named myself Véronique?