This afternoon, I start my counselling practicum (supervised practice counselling). Every Friday afternoon for the next six months, and possibly some time on another day for meetings, I will be a volunteer student counsellor at an excellent placement. If I do well and get good reports, and also participate in six seminars focussed on ethical dilemmas (the first one is in two weeks), I will earn my certificate in counselling skills.
Something struck me last night. Not very long ago, excitement at starting this practicum would have been overshadowed by nervousness, doubt, and fear. I was afraid of new things. I doubted my ability to take on anything like this. I think I would have ploughed through it, and once I got started I would have been fine, but it would have taken an effort.
Not this time. I'm still a bit nervous, which I think is natural, but mostly I'm excited. This is a great opportunity both to learn and hopefully to do some good. I know I can do it. I've been trained, I exercise my skills in all kinds of ways, and I'm ready. That's a big change in attitude for me. The repercussions of simply being myself, of no longer hiding, continue to amaze me.
I began to study counselling as a result of having loved doing it in Second Life. In Second Life, I always used a female avatar, long before transition, and of course SL played a huge role in my self-discovery. It's hard for me to disassociate my desire to be a counsellor and the full realization of my real gender, since that desire was also part of my self-discovery. Counselling and expressing myself as a woman went together. It's hard for me to imagine my male self doing this practicum.
It's going to be interesting in many ways. This will be very different than being in the safe cocoon that is the LGBT centre where I also volunteer. But I'm really looking forward to one thing. At the LGBT centre, I am there as a queer trans pansexual. I went through transition there, and it was great to have a safe place to do it, but everyone knows me. At this new placement, my boss knows my status (she saw me transition), but otherwise I will be there just as a woman. This will be the "office" experience I have lacked, and I was "hired" as my female self.
Now all I have to do is figure out what I'm going to wear. Don't think I haven't been thinking about it for a while!
More Beautiful You
58 minutes ago
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3 comments:
Congrats and good luck! I'm sure you'll do fine :)
You'll do great! You have so many good skills already - this will just be the confidence icing on the cake!
Thank you both! As it turns out, my skills were not tested. My supervisor wasn't in the office but had made arrangements. Unfortunately, it was a really slow Friday with no intakes and not much going on. I did spend some good time with some people waiting for clients with whom they came, including a very bright and engaging nine-year-old girl.
It struck me how being there for four hours with little going on would have driven my old self crazy. Instead, I did fine, stayed relaxed, and learned what I could.
Next week!
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