Female-normal

Yesterday, wedged between meetings at work and shopping downtown followed by more meetings, was the most important part of the day—my appointment with other-doctor. My own doctor is away, on holidays or whatever, and I was fortunate to be able to see other-doctor, because until my doctor returns he is the only doctor covering trans health at the clinic.

He gave me the good news: my free testosterone level had finally dropped to female-normal. It was low before, but not low enough. Now it's practically not there. I had suspected that was what he was going to tell me. Since changing from spironolactone to cyproterone acetate, my energy level and libido have both dropped, my breasts have become even more sore and sensitive (and sometimes itchy), and I gained five kilograms, all indications that estrogen was having an easier time doing its job.

He told me that what I was experiencing was expected. I had already lost strength and muscle mass, but I can feel the result of the even greater reduction in testosterone. I am still going to keep up my strength as much as possible, but "possible" is going to be less than it used to be. I said that I needed to do more aerobic exercise, and he encouraged that. I'm not sure where I'm going to make the time, but I must. He also said that with my testosterone so low, my body should do a better job redistributing the fat that I seem to have accumulated. I've been waiting for that to happen. I've pared back from the alarming high of 75 kilos to close to 72, but I still have an awful lot of accumulation in the middle. Please go to my breasts and hips!

I wish the drastically lower testosterone had been true all along. It was supposed to have been. I hope any possible physical development has not been lost. But if so, so be it. Things are better now. My doctor would never have gone straight to cyproterone without trying spiro first. For one thing, it's very expensive. For another, there is a much greater risk of osteoporosis with long-term use. Other possible side effects are more severe than with spiro. Other-doctor said that it's potentially hard on the liver, which estrogen already is.

As for the permanent removal of those little producers of testosterone, I still have not heard from the psychiatrists' office. I have called twice so far. Other-doctor assured me that I would hear back, but I don't know when. Even when they call, they are likely to give me an appointment at least a month or two away. My hope is that there will be a cancellation and I will be able to hop on it, as happened to two of my friends. That's why I'm sticking so close to home for the nonce.

It was nice to see other-doctor. I like my own doctor, and he takes good care of me, but other-doctor is very kind, and treats me as though I were his own patient. Not to mention that he's very handsome. I noticed that a lot more this time than I did when I last saw him a bit less than a year ago.

He was also not very late for the appointment, which left me lots of time to have a nice mocha and then to go shopping. I needed specific items, and I found them—an inexpensive white purse for summer, nice and big; a white linen blazer on sale; and some flat sandals, also on sale. The store clerk said the blazer is actually part of a suit, skirt or pants, so maybe I'll go back to get the rest.

Good news and shopping therapy help mitigate the seemingly endless waiting.