Small is beautiful

I'm beginning to think I might be the last unaugmented trans woman I know.

That's an exaggeration, of course, but it does seem that more of my friends are opting for breast enhancement than not. I can't fault them for it. No matter when in life we transition, but especially if we transition late, breast growth often does not live up to expectations, even when those expectations seem quite realistic. Each of us responds differently to hormone therapy. A body the age of mine says, hey, I'm kind of set in my ways. What's all this about late-onset puberty? Bodies can be terribly uncooperative.

Even if our bodies respond well to estrogen, they can still interfere with the feminization process by continuing to pump out testosterone at a higher than expected level (which is why I am now on a more powerful anti-androgen). That makes the estrogen work uphill, as it were.

Those who experience decent breast development can still have problems such as asymmetry or not-very-pleasing shape—two things that can also happen to women-born-female-bodied, and sometimes lead them to seek enhancement as well. In the end, it's a lucky trans woman who gets breasts she is happy with. Even that is not always about the development of breast tissue. Since breasts are mostly fat, those who have more body fat will likely have larger breasts. Lose the weight, for health reasons if no other, and the cup size might go with it.

And if that weren't enough, even decent breast development can look too small, depending on frame size. We look at breasts in proportion to the rest of the body. I see tiny East Asian women with small breasts who look perfectly fine, because their breasts are in proportion. Even larger women can look fine with smaller breasts. But there aren't many of us women-born-male-bodied who are fortunate enough to have the narrow shoulders and smaller ribcage that most women-born-female-bodied have.

I don't know how much more breast development I will experience. I have a 36-inch ribcage and I just about fit an A-cup (I'm definitely not overflowing). At least they make bras in my size, and push-up bras work rather nicely. And at least my nipples are now just about past those stupid bottom ribs that stick out (family trait). But I am far from well endowed, and I'm nowhere near proportional yet.

It's tempting to go for enhancement. I hate finding a dress or a top I really like only to realize when I'm trying it on that it's cut for a somewhat more ample bosom than I have. I would love to be proportional, nicely balanced. Really, I would prefer an operation that would reduce the size of my upper body, but that ain't gonna happen. So the only choice for proportionality is artificial augmentation.

I might change my mind, but at this point, I'm still thinking no. For one thing, I want to wait and see how much I can get naturally. I don't think I'm done yet. For another, it would take a lot for me to get used to the idea. I'm just not all that keen on carrying implants in my body. And finally, I know that my beloved does not want me to get enhanced, and her touch is more important to me than endowment.

Cleavage, softness, a bit of movement—all sexy, no doubt about it. But not the only way in which a woman is sexy. I've known very under-endowed women who were extremely sexy. How? Pretty face, graceful carriage and movements, a personality that shines through, and attitude. I think I do reasonably well on those first three (with makeup), but I think the last one is most important. The sexiest women are sexy because they know they are. And I have long walked around as if I were prettier and sexier than I really am, because I love myself now and I'm proud to be out in public. It's about attitude. Attitude enhances everything, even if not specifically my cup size.