Watch her strut

Most days, I feel good. Some days, I feel like crap. So it's nice that there are other days when I feel irrationally exuberant to balance out the crappy days. Like yesterday. I don't know why those days happen, but I don't really care, as long as they do.

Yesterday was hot. You might think it doesn't really get all that hot in Vancouver and so when we say "hot" we're really meaning "kind of warm." But no, we're in a genuine early heat wave right now, for another day or so. Yesterday, the temperature was close to 30°C, which is roughly 85°F for my metrically challenged readers. Fortunately, when it's hot here it's usually dry as well, and that's how it has been during this heat wave.

Around mid-afternoon after I was done work, I had to walk down the street for electrolysis, and I had a few errands to run on the way. When I go for electro, I don't wear makeup, and frankly, like most women my age, my face can use a bit of paint. But that was not an option yesterday. The only thing I put on my face was sunscreen.

It was so hot, I was not about to go out in jeans, not even cropped. I wore a really cute and flirty wine-coloured sun dress I got a few weeks back from American Eagle Outfitters. It's nice that my shoulders and upper arms have reached a point where I can wear sleeveless things without looking like a pro wrestler. The bones are the same, but the reduction in muscle mass has helped a lot. It occured to me that this dress would go well with my espadrilles with the black silk ribbons, which I love but rarely have occasion to wear. I even tried them on, and I was right—they looked good. But then I figured that it might be just a bit over the top to be walking around my neighbourhood doing errands wearing four-inch platform heels tied up with sexy black ribbons. Too bad. Those shoes are actually amazingly comfortable. I went with my favourite two-inch-heel sandals instead. Who knows. Maybe I should have gone all the way with my irrational exuberance. :)

I took a chance and pulled my hair back into a ponytail, leaving some wisps of hair along the side to frame my face. Normally, no makeup and a ponytail is a recipe for me to get "sir"ed, but somehow the exuberance was carrying me along. I did wear my big hoop earrings.

First stop was the grocery store, just for one item. The cashier smiled at me, and the transaction went smoothly. Next stop was the spa where I buy Jane Iredale makeup. It's expensive but really good for my skin, and it lasts a long time. I needed a new cake of pressed powder, and I also got a peach base eye shadow that I've wanted for a while. It matches my skin tone much better than the whitish base I got at MAC before I knew what I was doing. The spa was also featuring the OPI South Beach collection of nail polish, and I saw the lilac I'd been going to order anyway, so I grabbed it. The clerk wanted to enter my name in their database. I told her I was there already, but I gave her my thoroughly French name anyway so she could check. She said, "Are you from Quebec?" I've heard that before. It means the person thinks "Véronique" is my birth name. Here I am, no makeup on, hair pulled back, and this woman is reading me as female. How good do you think I was feeling at that point?

My final stop was at a place that sells and repairs shavers. I asked the guy there if they carried the Braun Silk-Epil. He said they did not but that I should try London Drugs. I'd thought about that before, but I hadn't checked. As it turns out, London Drugs had it! So I finally got my epilator, and at a good price too.

After those errands came a half hour of electrolysis. It's painful, but my electrologist is really nice, and we always have good conversation. Girl talk. She told me she thought my dress was pretty.

Electrolysis leaves your face red and bumpy for a while, and it's about a 10-minute walk home. But I never care, and yesterday especially I was still feeling good anyway. I put on my sunglasses and walked home—quickly, to get out of the sun, but still confidently.

Just to be fair, there is something that I know helps my confidence: my circumstances. I am blessed in so many ways, including financially. I can buy nice clothes. I can buy nice shoes. I can buy Jane Iredale makeup and OPI nail polish. I can buy an epilator. And I can pay for electrolysis as needed. Many trans women don't have it nearly as good. They struggle to make ends meet. They battle depression that at least partially comes from living in marginalized circumstances. They are afflicted with the same gender dysphoria as me, but they have many fewer options for dealing with it. Sometimes, they engage in risky behaviour in order to get by because they have so few choices.

I never forget how good I have it. I try to keep that in mind whenever I'm tempted to whine about something, and I express gratitude every night for what I have. I try not to get too attached to material goods, but I know I am. I hope that if my circumstances change, I will have the strength of character to make it through the way so many of my sisters do. And providing free counselling is one small way that I can help.