Mate for life

I'm still waiting for an actual letter of confirmation from Montreal, but I have it in email that my date for surgery is solid—and just over four months from now. Sweetie, who likes to have things planned well in advance, found herself a flight and a place to stay. She'll be there from the weekend before my surgery until several days afterward, not quite the whole time but close. Her planning her trip is making things feel so much more real for me.

It's also reminding me of what an awesome spouse, soul mate, and best friend I have. Two years ago, she still had doubts that what I was feeling was real, which was quite understandable. I approached transition and hormone therapy very cautiously for her sake. I think one of the turning points was our trip to Portland in the rainy spring of 2008. I was in female mode the entire time, already being perceived as female, and that allowed her to feel a bit more comfortable with the idea. Still, she sought help for serious issues, especially the insecurity of no longer being part of a heterosexual marriage. And she got through those issues. And then we did our Imago weekend together in early summer 2008, which was better than we could have imagined. We emerged from that weekend a lesbian couple with a much greater understanding of each other.

Since then, her level of support has only increased. It amazes me. Sometimes, she has more confidence in me as a woman than I have in myself. She sees the real me, which is not always easy for me to see. She helps me, she encourages me, and she still has fun with me. In many ways, having come through the roughest period any couple can go through, our relationship is better than ever. And that's remarkable.

There are things that work in our favour. We're in our 50s, and life for us is different than it was when we were younger. We feel differently about a lot of things. If my transexuality had hit me with full force when I was in my 30s or even 40s rather than in my 50s, our relationship might not have survived. As well, we have always been bisexual, in feeling if not usually in practice, and her sexuality has shifted toward the lesbian end of the spectrum. I am more interested in men these days than she is. If she were still feeling the need for a man in her life, she would have to look elsewhere.

But most importantly, we both still feel strongly about our relationship with each other. We've spent half our lives together. We still complement each other. And if we were apart, who would share in our weird sense of humour?

I don't know what I did to be so fortunate. I proceeded with transition because I had to. Having had a glimpse of the promised land, I would have been a wreck of a human being if I had not done so. And I did so without knowing whether my marriage would survive, which was the biggest wrench of all. No one has ever been more important to me than my sweetie, and yet I had to take care of myself first. I am grateful every day that the process did not push her away.

Yo te amo muchissimo, mi novia!