I can't remember when I first called this blog TransCanada. Not quite from the beginning, but close. It's a take-off on the film Transamerica, of course, and also a reference to the fact that I am Canadian. Especially since I've changed the subtitle, it doesn't even scream "transgender" or "transsexual" any more. There are a few companies called TransCanada, and there is a Trans-Canada highway and a Trans-Canada trail.
I've been thinking, however, that it might be time for a name change. This has to do with the somewhat controversial question of whether I am transsexual once I have transitioned, especially after my sex has been biologically and legally reassigned. Am I transsexual, or was I transsexual? I was certainly born transsexual. There's no question I was born with a male body, and I've lived with it more than 50 years. But once transition is complete (at least this transition—life is full of them), once I've crossed over, am I still transsexual or transgender? If I'm trans forever, then what does transition mean? If I'm still transsexual or transgender after transition, does that devalue transition?
One reason I stayed far away from all things trans for so long is that I wanted to be a woman, born a girl, with all the right parts and chromosomes and everything. And I knew I couldn't have that. I was afraid of being a freak. I was afraid of being not quite a woman. That just wasn't what I wanted.
So when I alleviated my woeful ignorance and learned that, given time, I could change my sex is every way except chromosomally, then I knew I had to do it. It was still a compromise, but not nearly as much of one as I had feared. It was much closer to the dream come true than I had dreamed it could be.
But is it less of the dream come true than I claim it to be? Some think so. Some think worse, of course, considering me to be a man until I die, but their ignorance is profound, and I ignore them. But some think I'm trans for my whole life, and that I have to deal with.
I've said before that I will never pretend to be other than I am. I will never hide my origins, even if I will be selective about those I tell. I am and shall be a woman. A woman of transsexual history, a woman with a past, whatever. But a woman now. If I am branded a trans woman forever, a woman with an asterisk, then just kill me now.
So that's why I wonder about the blog name. I purposely gave it various "trans" names in order to be obvious in search engines. Do I want to be obvious any more? The subtitle references my "late-blooming womanhood." Should the whole title go for something similar? Something more subtle than TransCanada?
I wonder as well about the future of this blog. I love to write, but I didn't start a blog until I had a subject that really engaged me, first Second Life, then my gender odyssey. In this blog, I've written non-personal entries, but not that many. It's mostly been about my own personal transition. Once I am post-op, will I have anything left to write about? It will just be my life. I find my own life interesting, but at that point I'm not sure who else will.
"The future's not ours to see," wrote lyricist Ray Evans. I guess I'll just have to wait to find out how it all unfolds. To quote another songwriter, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
Addendum: My Twitter friend Suvi-Tuuli did zing me good once when I said I thought of myself as a woman, not a trans woman. She said, that's a good attitude to have when you go for your prostate exam. :)
Going Home For The Holidays
2 hours ago
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6 comments:
Well, what would you call the journey once you've crossed Canada? It wouldn't be Trans-Canada because you'd have arrived at your destination. Therefore, how can you necessarily call yourself TRANSsexual?
It's a tough one, no doubt. Heck, I already consider myself female in most respects, and I am simply loving life as a woman, a woman with a well known past who's not ashamed of that HIStory (pun intended..hee).
You know I struggled with my own blog name change. I don't quite have the guts to drop the T just because of my desire to still be proud of what I could liken to a heritage. And maybe that's what being T is more about... more about heritage than history.
No matter what title I use at the header, people still have to type in "Lorisrevival" to get to my page directly. It's not a T revival, or even a transsexual's revival, it's just...well, me.
Well, I deliberately sidestepped all such issues by calling my blog (and my Fickr site) plain 'Lucy Melford', which will do whatever my future. I see my blog as just a diary with occasional interesting bits, and it doesn't need a fancy name.
On this basis, you could entitle yours 'Veronique's Blog' which indicates a woman with topical things to say.
I hope you do carry on blogging. Rebecca (of 'Rebecca's Thoughts') has; so has Suzanne Clayton (of 'Mr Toad's Wild Transgendered Ride'), although both have some post-op issues and both are learning about dating. Canadian post-op Ashley Lynch (of 'Ashley's Blog') has had a rougher ride, and self-worth and career frustration are the topics there. These and others all have lots to say about their own problems and life in general, and I get much from them, as I expect do many others. I'd want to continue my own blog into old age: an old woman with a slightly different take.
I do not live with titles, I will not since I am both male & female, I am Shauna that is who I am.
Intersex, transsexual, lesbian all titles of who people prescribe themselves.
I am not one of those and neither are you, you are a woman on a journey which you will end after you come to rest at the end of your lifetime. Live it like it is supposed to be and not what everyone thinks it should be. I hope this make sense. Mine is ' Soon she'll be home'
Love ya Sis.
P.S. I agree with Lucy ('Veronique's Blog')
As for being "a transsexual," I have found it very helpful to think of the condition as "transsexualism." I was treated for transsexualism, I am not a transsexual. It's worked well for me to focus on my humanity and not my physical condition.
And as for blog titles, I always liked "Penny's Story" because that's what my blog has always been, ie. my story. It can be difficult to try to find a title that is specific to certain parts of ones life while still being general enough to grow with you. Whatever you decide Veronique, it'll still be your story...
I'm thinking it's time for "rebranding." I have a favourite title, but I'm going to think about it for a bit longer. No, it's not going to be Véronique's Blog.
@Lori: I notice you did make the title change after you posted the comment. :) I realize as well that it's dead simple to change the URL, but I'm thinking that would break every link out there, including my own.
@Lucy: Being post-op doesn't mean a person doesn't have something to say. And if there continue to be some kind of difficulties, then there's automatically a hook. But if all I have to say is "Life rocks," that's not very interesting. We shall see.
@Sis: Words of wisdom as usual! But I've used up more than a few bytes on how labels are useful and not something to be avoided.
@Penny: Notice that I never wrote "a transsexual," just "transsexual" as an adjective -- describing something about me, but not saying who I am. And yes, I've written before that it's a condition I'm dealing with, after which it's dealt with.
Fair enough. Perhaps an analogy might be "diabetic." Though that one isn't perfect, because I do hear people referred to as "diabetic people" but also as "a diabetic."
huh
Just thinking out loud...
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