A time to be born

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose under heaven

From the Book of Ecclesiates, adapted by Pete Seeger

I've been associating with a group of feminists working for equal rights, most of whom are trans women. Young trans women. Really young. I am decidedly the "mom" of the group, but it wouldn't be much of a stretch at least in one case for me to be the grandmom (a teenage pregnancy in each generation and you're there).

Hanging out with these women makes me conscious of something I'm sure I've said or written before: that I wish I'd transitioned when I was their age. But let's look at what that would have meant.

The youngest in the feminist group are in their early 20s. When I was in my early 20s, that was the mid-1970s. Anyone who transitioned then was still a pioneer, and the way was difficult. I turned 30 in 1984. Even by that time, it was still the rare, and brave, person who transitioned. I was neither courageous nor possessed of a pioneer spirit.

There was much more information and much more knowledge about transsexuality by the time I turned 40, so maybe that's the first time I could realistically say that I wish I had transitioned. But I was not ready personally. One thing I observe about the young feminists is that they have a certain level of maturity even at their age that took me much longer to achieve. I think that maturity is required for transition at whatever age, which is why I didn't make the leap until I was in my 50s. Like many members of my generation, I didn't want to grow up, and although there were fun aspects to that, and it's good to hold onto a youthful spirit, it also had serious drawbacks when it came to figuring out my life.

So do I really mean that I wish I had transitioned when I was young? Kind of, but not really. What I really wish is to be young now. If you're born transsexual, I think it's finally time when that's not a terrible thing any more. It's never easy to be transsexual or to transition, but doing so now is so much better than it was 20 or 30 years ago, maybe even 10 years ago. Transsexuals are everywhere on the news, in entertainment, even in politics and government. We still have a long way to go, but the chances of having a successful transition are so much higher now than they used to be.

So I envy those young women. They won't break the heart of a life partner. They won't confuse their children. They might still be shunned by their parents, but it's not unlikely that their parents will be accepting, if not at first then eventually. Most of all, they will live most of their lives in the sex they should have been born into. That's wonderful!

However, it's not that my life was so horrible. There is little in my life that I would want to give up. Despite my extended immaturity, I've had some amazing experiences along the way. As a trans woman with decades of being perceived as male (most of the time), I know things my young companions never will. In some ways, I really am the mom of the group.

Ah, to be young again. But wherever you are, that's where you're at. I was dealt a particular hand. For a long time, I didn't play my cards very well. Now I've finally figured out the game. It might not be the hand I really want, but now I realize it's a good hand. I will play it skilfully—with the wisdom of age, perhaps!